We got genocides, mass murders, master criminals in suits that control nations, we’re hurtling through space at Mach 3 and we won’t know if there’s a world shattering rock inbound until ~10 minutes before it hits, we are approaching the capacity of the planet, and are due for a superquake, supervolcano, and superplague. We have enough nukes to destroy 300 Earths and most importantly we are but a microscopic spec of cosmic dust that could STILL be exterminated by a more advanced species like the Native Americans were.

The human mind can literally not comprehend the scope of possible disasters, nor their magnitude.

So why sweat the fucking small stuff?

And it’s ALL small stuff.

We are flawed

No one can be perfectly happy

But we can try

So ask yourself: What’s the worst that could happen?

<Insert Answer>

But that’s the thing right?

That’s the worst possible thing.

And how exactly will being 20lbs overweight get you there?

or being a smartass?

or being an ice queen?

or a slut?

or privileged?

If you know, let me in on the secret, because the way I see it, it’s not easy to fuck it up THAT bad.

I speak what’s on my mind.

Where has it gotten me? Hmm…well, I have a small but intimate circle of friends, I’m unhealthy….I really enjoy my days and I’m quite content.

Where has being magnanimous gotten you?

If you don’t like the answer, why don’t you stop trying to be magnanimous and start being whatever you want?

Look, ok, human beings,

Homo sapiens sapiens

We are fleeting.

We exist for a century tops.

Hear me out

There have been a million million centuries.

That number can not be comprehended.

We can’t wrap our heads around it.

It’s like a fruit fly trying to comprehend a year.

Perfection is form, universal and eternal.

We can NEVER be perfect.

We can try to be good.

But trying to attain the unattainable is a Sisyphean task.

You’re still sweating the small stuff.

You have a conservative temporal budget of ten years to figure out what makes you happy.

After that, you’ve probably got another…40 years to figure it out

Aside from shooting up a school or killing yourself, you can’t fuck up permanently

There’s so much time to fix it

You or I will likely never be renowned

But we could be happy

“Have you ever met someone who can actually say they’re happy all the time? It’s impossible

So why chase something you don’t believe in

Or why chase something that will inevitable break”

Because it’s better to have half a chocolate bar than none at all.

And because happiness is more currency than heirloom:

You can’t break it, you can only run out and have to start saving again.

I think it’s safe to say I invented a new tag.

collegehumor:

Happy Valentine’s Day, The Internet!

Smash, Smash, SUH-MASH

collegehumor:

Best Pictures of the Week [Click for the winners]

Discover some more terrifying truths that only the Internet can reveal.

collegehumor:

More Accurate Titles for 2013’s Oscar Nominated Movies [Click for full list]

Next time you ride with me, okay?

Leaked footage from the new Sherlock Holmes movie.
Sherlock Holmes: Man of Iron.

collegehumor:

Facebook Newsfeed History of the World [Click for full history]

If Facebook had existed during the Big Bang, Ancient Rome, World War II, and the rest of Earth’s major historical events.

And who says you need to pay tens of thousands of dollars and spend eight years learning how to teach this stuff? Hahahahaohgodwhatamigunnado

collegehumor:

Anti-Weed Mom Tweets About the Devil’s Lettuce

Although considering how badly she “wants the D now”? Probably a sexbot.

mydarkenedeyes:

Chrys Roboras - No Man’s Land (2007-09)

The top one really gets to me.